Life in the Suburban Jungle

The Last Lecture

I caught some of this last night and was pretty touched by this story.  I will read his book. This is from his site on the book:

A lot of professors give talks titled “The Last Lecture.” Professors are asked to consider their demise and to ruminate on what matters most to them. And while they speak, audiences can’t help but mull the same question: What wisdom would we impart to the world if we knew it was our last chance? If we had to vanish tomorrow, what would we want as our legacy?

When Randy Pausch, a computer science professor at Carnegie Mellon, was asked to give such a lecture, he didn’t have to imagine it as his last, since he had recently been diagnosed with terminal cancer. But the lecture he gave—“Really Achieving Your Childhood Dreams”—wasn’t about dying. It was about the importance of overcoming obstacles, of enabling the dreams of others, of seizing every moment (because “time is all you have…and you may find one day that you have less than you think”). It was a summation of everything Randy had come to believe. It was about living.

In this book, Randy Pausch has combined the humor, inspiration and intelligence that made his lecture such a phenomenon and given it an indelible form. It is a book that will be shared for generations to come.

For more information visit http://www.lastlecture.com

You Know You Are in the South When...

I recently attended a wedding that had the following paragraph printed in the program:

"In the spirit of true Redneckism we chose to be married on September 8th in honor of Dale Earnhardt, Jr., NASCAR's current Number 8 driver, and at 3:00 PM in memory of the late Dale Earnhardt, Sr., NASCAR's Number 3 driver."

I wonder what they will name the kids...

Unconditional Respect

Men need respect from their wives like they need air to breath.  Here are six of the best ways that wives demonstrate respect to their husbands:

Conquests: I feel you are appreciating my pursuits in my field (my desire to work and achieve) when you:

• tell me "thanks" for going to work everyday for the family
• cheer my successes whether in business or in hobbies
• ask me to talk about my dreams like you asked when we dated

Hierarchy: I feel you are appreciating my position as overseer (my desire to protect and provide and even die for you) when you:

• say to me "I really look up to you for feeling responsible for me"
• tell me that you are deeply touched by the thought that I would die for you
• praise my commitment to provide, i.e. "bring home the bacon"

Authority: I feel you are appreciating my power on your behalf (my desire to be strong, lead and make decisions) when you:

• tell me I'm strong as you squeeze my muscle (it's symbolic)
• praise my good decisions
• honor my authority in front of the kids and differ with me in private

Insight: I feel you are appreciating my perspective and proposals (my desire to analyze and counsel) when you:

• thank me for my advice and knowledge
• let me fix things and applaud my solution orientation
• tell me up-front you need "an ear" to listen to and not a solution

Relationship: I feel you are valuing my partnership and pastimes (my desire for shoulder-to-shoulder friendship) when you:

• tell me you like me
• do recreational activities with me, or watch me do them
• encourage alone time for me; this energizes me to re-connect with you later

Sexuality: I feel you are appreciating my passions and pleasures (my desire for sexual intimacy) when you:

• initiate periodically
• respond more often
• let me acknowledge my sexual temptations without shaming me

From Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

Love & Respect

Here are some practical ways for husbands to express love to their wives in the ways that they need it most (from Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs):

Closeness: I feel a closeness with you (face to face & heart to heart) when you:

• hold my hand
• hug me
• are affectionate without sexual intentions

Openness: I feel an openness with you (you are not secretly mad at me) when you:

• share your feelings
• tell me about your day and challenges
• talk without harshness, guardedness, or grunting

Understanding: I feel you understand me (empathize with me) when you:

• listen to me (know when to give advice and when to not to solve my problems)
• repeat back what I sometimes say so I know you're listening
• express appreciation for my contribution and roles saying, "I couldn't do you job"

Peacemaking: I fill at peace with you (issues are resolved) when you:

• admit you are wrong and apologize by saying "I am sorry" (which is a turn on to a woman)
• keep the relationship up to date, resolve the unresolved, and don't say "forget it"
• pray together after a hurtful time

Loyalty: I feel loyalty from you (complete commitment) when you:

• don't look at other women
• speak only positive things about me before family and friends; no airing of dirty laundry
• do not bring up the "D" word (Divorce) but are committed until death do us part

Esteem: I feel esteemed by you (treasured above others) when you:

• verbally support and honor me in front of the kids
• praise me for what I do for you
• value my opinion in the gray areas; not wrong just different than you

Love and Respect

Caroline & I co-lead a weekly small group study based on the book entitled Love & Respect by Emerson Eggerichs. I recommend it for every married couple - in any stage of marriage! The following outlines the basic framework of the material:

What is Love and Respect?

A wife feels loved when her husband...

* wants to be face-to-face with her;

* isn't secretly mad at her;

* empathizes with her;

* resolves and reconciles with her;

* is completely committed to her; and

* treasures her above all else.

A husband feels respected when his wife...

* appreciates his desire to work and achieve;

* appreciates his responsibility to protect and provide and even die;

* appreciates his strength;

* appreciates his analytical bent and counsel;

* appreciates his shoulder-to-shoulder friendship; and

* appreciates his sexual desire for her. 

Rev. Emerson Eggerichs Ph.D. Copyright Love and Respect Ministries Inc. 2003
www.loveandrespect.com

Best Marriage Book Ever...

The most significant book on this subject that I have ever read is a book entitled Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs, a pastor and counselor in the midwestern US for over 30 years.

Here is a description:

Based upon Ephesians 5:33 and extensive biblical and psychological research, Dr. Emerson Eggerichs reveals the power of unconditional love and unconditional respect and how husbands and wives can reap the benefits of marriage that God intended.

From the Inside Flap
Discover the Single Greatest Secret to a Successful Marriage

Psychological studies affirm it, and the Bible has been saying it for ages. Cracking the communication code between husband and wife involves understanding one thing: that unconditional respect is as powerful for him as unconditional love is for her. It's the secret to marriage that every couple seeks, and yet few couples ever find.

Today, you and your mate can start fresh with the ground-breaking guidance that Dr. Emerson Eggerichs provides in this book. His revolutionary message, featured on Focus on the Family, is for anyone: in marital crisis...wanting to stay happily married...who's feeling lonely. It's for engaged couples...victims of affairs...pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage.

Using Dr. Eggerich's breakthrough techniques, couples nationwide are achieving a brand-new level of intimacy and learning how to: - stop the Crazy Cycle of conflict - initiate the Energizing Cycle of change - enjoy the Rewarded Cycle of new passion.

And if you'll take this biblically based counsel to heart, your marriage could be next!

Order here. I encourage you to read it.

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